Timeline:

I got saved on April 30th of 2023

Was Baptized May 21st 2023

Got pregnant December 2023

Found out I was pregnant January 2024

Had my son Ocean September 2024

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”

• Isaiah 43:2-3 (NLT)

I had just started my walk with Jesus eight months before I got Pregnant my life before Jesus (BC me) was a mess in itself, it’ll be a testimony for another day. Starting new and living like a new creation was extremely difficult for me. At the time I didn’t even understand what that meant. I wanted to hold onto the person God called me to be apart from for many reasons. The main reason being God wanted me for himself. So, he had called me to a season of singleness. I hadn’t realized it then but looking back on it now I had made this man an idol in my life. After falling back into old patterns and sins I got pregnant with my son. In this season I struggled with loneliness and isolating which again was an old habit and the fact that I was dealing with a lot of guilt and shame. Through that God protected my mind from the negative thoughts of being unworthy of his love after being saved and getting pregnant out of wedlock. He helped me work through the fact that I never planned nor wanted to be a mom. I really struggled to want to have this baby. So much so I even considered getting an abortion several times in the first few weeks. I was extremely surprised how normalized it was when I talked to the nurses about it at my first appointment. As a new believer who had experienced God’s Presences so undeniably, I knew that was never really an option. There was no way that I could go through with-it knowing the love of Jesus. I still didn’t fully understand his forgiveness and grace then. But Jesus was my comfort in the moments I felt I had no one to talk to that would possibly understand. God was so patient and good to me in this extremely difficult season of my life because he allowed me to learn and work through the consequences of my actions while also helping me understanding why he created sex for marriage. I experienced all these beautiful, difficult and scary moments that should’ve been shared with a husband. He taught me how to be fully satisfied in him alone. HE brought me through the unexpected waves of life and grew my faith while saving me from drowning in all the uncertainty. His Goodness and Faithfulness constantly reminded me He had a plan for me and my son.

As I struggled with what my church would think about my obvious sin and watching others be celebrated knowing that my baby announcement would look completely different. I decided to not share it. I also didn’t have the courage to stand in front of my church and explain my situation. I came to a realization that it would all work out the way it was meant to. God was the one that allowed me to be carry life while also showing me why his commands should be followed. Not to be harsh or make life hard but because he loves us and knows what’s best for us. He has used it to bring me closer to him and help me better understand his mercy and grace. As well as God’s intentionality in the creation of life. Every stage, week and day of pregnancy all happens so perfectly and intentionally it was one of the most amazing thing I’ve experienced. It helped me understand Psalm 139:13. That’s where this Awe of God started it changed my perspective of life. I began to see him in all of his creation. He not only created everything and everyone with a purpose but also so uniquely and intentionally. Although I would’ve wanted things to have happened differently like getting married and then having my son. God has used my journey and transformed it into a beautiful life and testimony of his redeeming love and the power of prayer. With every tear was a prayer a cry for help from a repentant heart that just longed to be close to her Creator. I didnt fully understand that then but I do now.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”

• Psalm 139:13 (NIV)

For those wondering my son inspired the name of this blog but my words are inspired by God and all the things he has brought us through.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

• Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Happy Birthday my Ocean boy what a beautiful and perfect gift from God.